When do you need to change something? And how to know what needs changing?
Be it hormonal or the fault of the cold and wet weather of the late spring and early summer, up until a few days ago I was feeling rather discontent here on our Mount Rewild. I have little patience in anyone’s continuing complaints, least of all my own. And yet that’s what I found myself doing.
My worries and reasons of discomfort are really about the future, not the present – my own personal future, our kids’ future and the future of our business. When the worrying gets overwhelming, I find myself placing us somewhere a little less unstable (politically, economically, socially) and a little more developed. Although these issues are not hugely affecting us at the moment, I’m missing a more ‘equal rights and ecologically aware’ society.
But as I’m writing this, summer is finally here, my love hormones seem to be kicking in, and the quiet, rainy weeks have given me time to process a lot again.
Suddenly it’s not that bad at all!
I’m in Bosnia, because I did what my gut feeling told me to. It would’ve been impossible not to leave Ljubljana in 2013, not to come here and take care of everything. Moving to the mountain was imperative back then.
As I look back on my life some 10 years, or even more, it all makes sense. This kind of lifestyle: slow, rural, living with animals, running a guesthouse, essentially being free from many norms of the more Western societies, is what I’ve been moving towards for years already.
“Believing that the dots will connect down the road, will give you the confidence to follow your heart. Even when it leads you off the well worn paths” said Steve Jobs in his well known Stanford commencement address in 2005.
I sigh… I’ve followed my heart, I’ve gone off the well worn paths, and I can certainly connect the dots now.
I love what I do. I write, I run a guesthouse, I’m raising my family on a mountain. I love all this, and I love the fact I can do it all simultaneously. I’ve been able to ditch the feeling of missing out on something, right now, this very second, I can have it all.
So for the moment, I don’t need to change a thing. Life is one big change in itself: Soon we’ll have a new baby in our arms, the season reaches its peak, and many surprises are headed our way, I’m sure. But the feeling will come again, the discontentment, the will to stir things up. Not for the sake of it, but more like a force of nature. It will come more strong, more impossible to resist. I only hope that when the time comes, I’ll be able to choose with my full heart, trust in life, and connect the dots afterwards, once more.
2 Comments Add yours
This was such a beautiful post. I’m working towards having a simple life like yours — I dream of being a farmer, but I need to save money to purchase a home/land first. When I read posts like this, I feel so inspired to keep chasing my dreams.
Thank you Caitlin! I can’t do anything but to encourage you to follow your dreams 🙂 And also, while you’re saving up, keep your eyes open for other possibilities; Perhaps you don’t have to own the (first) place, be alert for renting, sharing, swapping options 🙂 And as far as I see, life throws the strangest things at you, especially if you’re willing to accept them; the route to fulfilling your dream might be a winding one, but later on you’ll see it was worth all the curves and turns. Love from the mountain!